Where to Place the Lily
by Alison16
Summary: Lily's got a lot on her plate and James is just worried about her. How did things lead to them taking a break for a bit? How do things play out when they're "taking a break"? Bad at summaries, decent with the actual story. Favourite, follow and review! T for like one profanity.
1. Chapter 1

**_Head Common Room_**

"Lily, I mean it, calm down and just think it through. You're not making any sense!" James yelled.

Lily glared at him, "You don't understand-"

"I don't understand? Of course I don't understand! You're telling me nonsense! You're telling me one thing, then another, then something totally different. You're giving me _excuses_! If there's something you want to tell me, just tell me!" James shouted.

They had just walked into the Head's common room, both Lily and James tossed their books and bags onto the couch as they continued yelling at each other.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. Just leave it, James-"

"I won't just leave it! Bloody hell, Lily, I swear, if you just-"

"Can you stop interrupting me? Blimey, you just can't _stand_ not hearing your voice for a second, you conceited-"

"Stop changing the subject!" James yelled as she began to walk up the stairs to her room.

"Again!" she shrieked, turning around to face him, "Let me hear my own bloody voice please!"

"Then talk! And tell me why you think this!" James was breathing hard, his face red, hair even more messier than it usually is, hands shaking and chest heaving. Lily's never seen him so mad before. Not at her at least.

She got scared all of a sudden, her tough exterior washed away immediately, "James, I-I-I-. Just forget it. _Please_. I'm stupid," she shook her head and began walking up the stairs again.

"Lily, stop!" he yelled, he's never yelled at her like that before, she jumped, he didn't seem to notice, "You always do this," he whipped off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Whenever this comes up. Always. You know we have to talk about this. You know it. So if you'd just sit down and listen to me, I'll listen to you. If you just tried to understand why I think this is so stupid, then I'll try to understand why my offer is out of the question . Just please, Lily. Talk to me!" his voice got a little softer, but there was still a hint of frustration.

Lily closed her eyes tightly and trudged down the stairs, plopping on to the armchair. Sighing, James followed, but stayed standing instead.

"You go first," he said, "You want to hear your voice, go."

"James," she sighed.

"You've got to tell me the truth, though. Lily, just don't lie to me, because I swear," he shook his head. He leaned against the mantle behind him.

His face had softened but his eyes were closed, his fingers still squeezing the bridge of his nose. His glasses were dangling in between his ring and middle finger. For some reason, seeing him like that; slightly annoyed, frustrated, and so superior like, angered her. She forgot about how he scared her when he yelled, how this was all really her fault and how she was planning on apologizing. Instead she steamed up and lashed at him again.

"Can you stop doing that?" Lily scolded.

Noting the tone of her voice, he opened his eyes, raising an eyebrow again, "What?"

Rolling her eyes, she shook her head, "Nevermind," she grumbled.

James crossed his arms, his glasses still relaxed in his fingers, he poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue, studying Lily. It was quiet for a long time.

They weren't talking. Neither of them made any noise. His owl was at the Owlery and her cat had wandered off. The windows were closed and the fire was put out, leaving the couple in complete silence.

Finally, James sighed angrily, "Bloody hell, Lily," her head whipped up to look at him, her face as angry as his. "Can you at least help me fix this? I mean it's so damn simple on your part! Just tell me why," he stressed, "Why won't you come and stay at the Manor?"

She looked away from him. He noticed the tears welling up in her eyes. He hated seeing her cry. He hated it. He hated it even more knowing he'd be the reason they fell.

But James had to keep going to find out. Find out why on earth Lily was so against the idea of her staying at the Potter Manor.

It was a week after Lily's parents had died. Lily's second day back at the castle. Both her mother and father and about a dozen other muggles were involved in some horrible Death Eater attack, a warning for the Ministry.

Lily was devastated. Both her parents were gone. And according to her sister in a long, lengthy letter that made it clear that Lily had no home in Cokeworth anymore, nor was it necessary that they keep in touch. Everything had blew up in Lily's face all at once. No room for her to let it all set in.

So James was actually really disappointed in himself at the moment, fighting with Lily like this, as if she didn't have enough on her plate.

He gave her a few more minutes to think, while he wore his glasses again. Nervous for her answer, he began nibbling on his thumb nail. When she took too long, James frowned, and breathed deeply.

He knew what was going to get her to talk. A question that would call to her attention. A question with an answer that terrified him.

Softly, the softest his voice had been yet, he asked, "Why don't you want to stay with me?"

Lily once again whipped her head to look at him. Her eyes were a fiery green that could've _burned_ him. She stood up briskly, knocking over a vase off the table.

She yelled at him, "Do you think this is _easy_ for me?"

James sighed running a shaky hand through his hair.

She ignored him, "Do you think I'd be panicking if there wasn't a lunatic out there, killing people like me. Have you forgotten that that lunatic killed my parents! Don't forget that my sister, the only family I have left, has ended that relationship with me! And to top it all off, I have no home to return to when this year is done!" her voice rang in his ears.

"That's why you can stay with me! That's what I'm offering you! A home!" James retorted back.

"But it's not the one I want," she sobbed, "I didn't grow up there, I don't have memories there, there is nothing there that will remind me of my parents!" She breathed deeply "It's not safe anyway. I'm bloody _muggle_ , James, if you forgot, the type of people those Death Eaters are killing. It's not safe," she spoke over him when he opened his mouth, knowing what he was going to say, "And if you think that I'm going to be all snug and safe after I leave Dumbledore's care, then I swear, James, I overlooked your intelligence. Not even the damn _Ministry_ is going to save me! Alright? I'm bloody scared James and upset and depressed and all you have to respond to that is "Why won't you live at my big fancy Manor?"

"I can protect you," James said softly, "I can. You can stay at the Manor, you've got Sirius and I. And when the two of us is too much for you, my Mum's always there, Mar is just across the backyard, Lily. I'll be there to keep you safe. Just don't leave, Lily, please don't. Please. I'll take care of you. That's what my dad did! He took care of people. Especially muggles, Lily! Lily-"

"And we all know how that ended!" the words had spilled out of her mouth before she could help it. And they were wrong words. Words that stung James.

His face was soft but hard, surprised but emotionless. Unreadable.

A week after their Sixth Year started, James's father was killed by one of the first arrested Death Eaters, Rorius Macnair. He was hit with a Killing Curse during a raid. The murder had shaken the Wizarding World, the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Charlus Potter, had died.

The death of his father had shaken James the most, obviously. For the first time ever, his father wasn't there to fix his mistakes, to solve his problems, or to watch his Quidditch games. No one was home with his Mum, and when James would go home for Holidays, he'd never see the grown up version of him. His father's death had matured him, as if when he passed, James had received his maturity.

Lily's face had softened but was full of anxiety. She was shaking so hard now, and her eyes began to well up. She didn't mean to say it.

"James, I'm so, so, sorry, James. I didn't mean to- oh my God, James, I'm so sorry," she rambled, moving closer to him.

When she was a dictionary away from him, she reached to caress his face, hers already wet with tears. There was a tear in his, threatening to fall from his eye. Her hand, shaking, was so close to touching his face when he moved it away.

Wiping the tear himself, he looked her in the eye. He didn't say anything, just bored his hazel eyes into her emerald ones.

"James," she gasped, "I-"

"Lily? James?" there was a knock on the door, Marlene's voice on the other side.

He tore his eyes away from Lily, and moved swiftly to open the door.

Marlene came in, moving awkwardly, obvious to the tension. "What's wrong? What happened?" she asked the two softly.

"Why'd you come here, Marlene?" James asked bitterly, turning to go fidget with a picture on the mantel.

She looked at Lily, confused. Lily could only look away, wiping away her tears. Marlene looked back at James, "I-" she cleared her throat, "I needed to borrow your broom cleaner. I forgot to ask you yesterday after the game."

"Right," James mumbled, drumming his fingers on the mantel, "I left it in the changing rooms. I'll go get it," he opened the door with his wand and left, trotting down the stairs that lead to the corridors.

"I..." Marlene frowned.

"Follow him. Please," Lily sobbed.

Marlene nodded, skeptically, "Fine, I'll send the boys up here though."

She left.

 **~~O~~**

 _ **A Few Minutes Later**_

"I can't believe this is your fault," Sirius mumbled.

Remus hit him on the head, "Bloody hell, Padfoot, you don't need to make her feel even worse," he looked at Lily, "Don't feel bad."

The boys had ran up to the Head Common Room when Marlene had asked them to. They found Lily, staring at the spot where James had been standing, her face pale and sullen.

When the boys had burst in, she almost dropped on spot before Sirius could wrap her up in a hug.

Through gasps and sobs she told them about the fight.

Now, Sirius had reclined on the couch, next to Lily while Remus sat cross legged on the loveseat. Peter sat on the window sill, looking out the window. Lily was lying down, wrapped in a big, thick blanket.

"I- his father," she said softly, absentmindedly.

Sirius looked at Remus raising an eyebrow, then back down to Lily, "Lily-"

"The way he looked at me earlier."

"Well, you always get mad at him, Lily. I 'spect it's his turn," Peter said.

The other boys glared at him.

Remus crouched down to level with Lily, picking up the remains of the broken vase she had knocked over earlier, "You can't blame James for getting mad. You can't. But you can't blame yourself for being scared. This war affects you immensely. I mean after what happened, you can grieve," he handed her a piece of chocolate from his robe.

She declined, shaking her head.

Sirius sighed, dropping his arm from the back the couch to her back, rubbing it. "He'll cool off," he mumbled.

She shook her head, "I don't think so. What I said- it was... out of line," a tear slipped from her eye, "I'm such a dolt," she sobbed.

"Lily," Sirius groaned, "No crying, please."

"After everything he's done for me; standing up against the Slytherins for me, for every hex he's thrown at Snape and every detention that came with it, for saving me when I found out about you Remus, for loving me, a Mudbl-"

"Don't say it, Lily," Sirius scolded softly.

"I'm such an ungrateful prat. He should just leave me and find some nice pureblood who's not going to get him in trouble with the Dark Lord. I'm no use wasting his life for," she sniffled.

"If James heard that, he would've hit you up side the head. He's bloody mad about you."

"He's bloody mad at me," she grumbled.

"He loves you, Lils," Sirius scolded.

She just closed her eyes, completely tired of herself. She fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

_Quidditch Field_

Stomping up the Quidditch Stands, Marlene spotted the raven haired Potter boy sitting alone, smoking a cigarette.

"Is that a cigarette?" she asked, feigning incredulous .

He looked at her with an annoyed expression, "Obviously,"

"And where'd you get that? You haven't had one since before your dad died," she said.

James's face tightened, "I nicked it from Sirius. _Accio_ ed it from his dorm," he showed her a box.

She shrugged, and sat beside him.

"Here," he handed her the broom cleaner kit.

She thanked him and took it, starting to clean her broom.

When Marlene began to polish the handle of her broom, James grimaced at how poorly she did it, "Give it here," he mumbled.

She frowned at him, "Listen, if you're mad at her, don't take it out on me. I didn't follow you here to put up with your bloody attitude," she spat.

James glared at her, "Then why did you-"

"Because Lily asked me to, and she was thoroughly worried because we all know how bloody dramatic you get in the wrong mood."

"You're a blood-"

"Bitch? I know. But I'm all you've got at the mome," she said brightly.

James glanced at her as she watched him polish the engraving on her broom.

He looked away before she could look at him. She did though, smirking. Casually, she took the cigarette from him, tugging it out of his mouth. She took a drag and then puffed out the smoke, something she was famous for doing. She did it to annoy him, knowing how much he hated seeing her smoke.

"Stop it, will you?" he snarled

"Watch my name, will you?" she pointed out as he ran over her name.

He rolled his eyes.

They sat in a still silence, James polishing the broom, Marlene looking around the field idly, inhaling then puffing on the cigarette.

When James finished, he carefully laid the broom down on the space beside him. He glanced at Marlene, and a wave of worry, guilt and anger hit him, "Why didn't you wait till she stopped crying before you came and followed me?"

"Because she told me to," she shrugged.

James frowned, "You never do anything I ask you to do."

"I will when you're crying your bloody eyes out."

He grimaced. "How bad was she when you left?" he had rushed out of the room before he could hear her cry and falter and comfort her, forgetting how mad he was, forgetting what she had said to him.

"She was okay enough to talk," Marlene said, "But I bet you she's flooded the room already."

James frowned.

"Can I know what happened? Usually I don't ask, but I'm not used to this being Lily's fault," she asked, puffing some more smoke.

"It wasn't really her fault," James mumbled.

She looked at him, the first time she did, concerned, "Tell me."

James sighed loudly, rubbing his face, "I told her to stay at the Manor. Mum's already offered it when we went to her parents funeral, but I'm pretty sure Lily thought it was a pity present or something. Anyway, I told her she can come stay with me after we leave school, and she said she couldn't."

"What did you do?" Marlene asked softly, figuring the cigarette wasn't entertaining anymore, rubbing it out and then flicking it away.

"I asked her why not. She said she was thinking of staying somewhere else. To lessen the burden on my Mum and I. She said her grandfather had a cottage near some forest where she could stay. Far from muggles, far from wizards.

'I mean she couldn't go back home. Damn Petunia made that clear. But she knows she could stay with me at the Manor. She's safe there. And we've got enough rooms for all of us there.

'But she told me, "No," that she had it all planned out. She was going to stay at the damn cottage. Away from me." James took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, "It's like she doesn't want to stay with me. So I said something, I can't remember what, and then she got offended, then I said something again, and then she said something, and it went on and on until we found ourselves in the Head Common room, biting each others' heads off.

'She told me I wouldn't understand so I told her to make me. Then-then I asked her why she doesn't want to stay with me-"

"Oh, James."

"It was stupid, I know. But I wanted to ask her that. And then things went on and on. Then I told her I'd take care of her, like how my dad did everything he could to take care of Wizarding Britain and then she said," James took a deep breath, "'And we all know how that ended!'" James buried his face in his hands, "She didn't mean it. I know she didn't. I just- I just got so damn mad and fed up. I was trying to reason with her. Keep her safe! And then she just- just disrespected my father like that."

Marlene rubbed his hand, "You've got every right to be mad."

James groaned, "You're not supposed to say that!"

She looked at him, confused.

"You're supposed to defend her or something! Tell me I was bloody insensitive! It's part of this girl code that you birds swear upon a bra or something!" He threw his hands up in the air.

Marlene snorted, "You're bloody ridiculous. There's no sacred bra we swear upon. It's the Holy Lacey Knickers," she winked, "Anyway, just because I love Lily more than I love you, doesn't mean I'm always going to side with her. I mean, I understand why she doesn't-"

"You do?" James asked.

She nodded, "I would've thought you caught on by now," she said, a bit disappointed. "You talk so much of how you're going to protect her. Has it ever occurred to you that she's trying to protect you. Look at it this way. In her family, who was killed?"

"Her mum and dad."

"In her family, who doesn't really seem to care about her at all?"

"Her sister."

"I bet you she's thinking that whoever loves her will end up getting hurt. That she's getting everyone that loves her killed because she's muggle. And you, who loves her _way more_ than anyone else does, will most likely get hurt. In her eyes. Understand?" she asked.

James slapped a hand to his forehead, "How did I not understand that before?"

She shrugged, "You're a bit daft when you're hot headed."

He glared at her.

"Anyway, I totally agree with you if you're upset with her. It's reasonable. Just don't let it get to the point when you start pushing her away. Don't do that. Just cool down a bit. Give the two of you some space. Alright? Take some time to think. Don't let this war do what Voldemort wants it to do. Separate muggles from purebloods," she advised, "The boys and I will handle Lily. We'll make sure she doesn't break down from guilt or anything. Just... I don't know, cool down, alright?"

James nodded.

"Good," Marlene clapped, "Let's get going. The Slytherins are coming in a few for practice and I never like seeing Yaxley before dinner. I lose my appetite and everything."

James chuckled.

"So if you don't mind, mate, shall we leave?" she curtsied.

James chuckled, wrapping his arm around Marlene, "Let's go, you moron."

She glared at him.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Charms Class_**

Lily stared absently at the blackboard. Around her, Sirius and Dorcas were bickering, Marlene and Peter were laughing while Remus and Alice were having the world's most polite conversation. James was sitting beside Marlene, where Sirius usually sits, while Sirius sat to Lily's left, where James had sat. Sirius was currently telling Dorcas why he was a better kisser than Dorcas's current boyfriend.

"Davies has got the biggest nose I've seen. Doesn't it bother you whenever it pokes you in the eye?" he said.

"Know what it's like, do you Sirius? Kissed him before?" Dorcas countered smugly.

Sirius leaned in, "'Course not. I don't sway that way. I've kissed his sister," he smiled.

"Mr. Black-" Professor Flitwick's voice rang

"You can call me Sirius, sir,"

Professor Flitwick frowned but ignored him, continuing, "Mr. Potter, we do not disobey the seating plan. If you forgot, Mr. Potter sits next to Ms. Evans while you Mr. Black sit in between Ms. Meadowes and Ms. McKinnon. Please correct your mistakes immediately."

Sirius grumbled, "If I could hang him on a coat rack, I would've already-"

"Is there something you'd like to share with the class Mr. Black?" Flitwick asked.

Sirius smiled at him, "Just my charm and good looks," he answered, gathering his things to move. When Flitwick had turned, "His hearing is the only thing that isn't short." He winked goodbye to Lily who gave him a sad smile as James sat uncomfortably beside her.

There was definitely going to be some trouble. Their arms would bump since she was left handed and he was right. The board was more to James's right, so he would have to somewhat face Lily a little bit. He could smell her shampoo, hear her Quill scribble against her parchment, see the birthmark on her thumb knuckle that he's kissed so many times...

James clenched his eyes shut before opening his eyes quickly again. If he forgave Lily now, sooner or later they'd fight again. It's been only a day since they fought and he knew he needed more time to think. More time for her to think. Like Marlene said they needed space.

But James could see Lily suffering. And he hated it.

Last night after dinner, which she hadn't gone to, he found her asleep in their Head Common Room, wrapped in her blanket, her pillow still a bit damp with tears. She looked pale, her hair was frazzled and her hand was clenching her blanket like it was a life line.

Dorcas was sharing the couch with her, lying down her feet on Lily's bum, also asleep.

There were two empty plates on the table, which, to James's relief, meant that they had eaten already, and Lily hadn't starved herself in guilt.

But Dorcas's feet had pushed off some of the blanket on her lower section. Lily's feet and legs were sticking out and she got cold quickly so James _accio_ ed a blanket from his room and laid it over her legs and Dorcas.

This morning, she had left their Quarters earlier than him. He knew it was so she could avoid him. He got there pretty early, though, with Remus, and found Marlene and Lily sitting in the Great Hall, Lily's head buried in her arms while Marlene rubbed her back.

James only said, "Morning," to no one in particular.

Lily's plate in front of her was half eaten and half poked around. Marlene gave him a sympathetic smile as she tried to block away James's view of Lily. Remus decided he'd try to distract James with some Quidditch talk. It worked, other than the fact James always kept trying to glance at Lily and check if she'd finish her breakfast.

Lily had trouble finishing her food on a normal basis anyway. She wasn't doing it to keep herself super skinny or anything, she had an amazingly fit body come to think of it, but she lost her appetite quickly and easily and resorted snacks whenever she could get them. He's never seen her willingly eat a full meal other than breakfast, but he's seen her wolf down popcorn and chips and fruit slices and almonds.

But when Lily was depressed or moody, it took some serious effort to get her to eat. James would tell her to at least finish the biggest part of her meal and then feed her snacks throughout the day.

When her parents died, it got to the point when James had offered to spoon feed her, which she didn't like too much anyway.

All he wanted to do then was to sit next to her and coerce her into eating the other half of her toast. Then they'd leave and sit outside, waiting for the few minutes before class. James would let Lily cuddle into him as he listened about whatever it was bothering her.

He couldn't do that though, since they were the problem at the moment. So he sat right as Marlene gave up and lead Lily out of the Great Hall, giving James another sorry smile.

So earlier, before their class, James talked to Marlene and pushed a brownie into her hand.

"Thanks?" she looked at him curiously.

"It's not yours," he explained.

"Oh gee, thanks," she mumbled.

He looked around, "It's for Lily. I nicked it from the kitchens. Give it to her, I noticed she hadn't eaten this morning. Where is she anyway?"

Marlene smiled widely at him, "The two of you are adorable y'know? Even when the two of you aren't okay, you're still trying to make sure she doesn't-"

"Die," James answered blandly for her, "If no one watches her, Mar, she's gonna drop from starving herself. I don't want her to kill herself over this."

He was surprised by Marlene when she suddenly wrapped her arm around his neck.

When she pulled away, he asked her, "What was that for?"

"You look like you need one," she said. And James realized how right she was. "She's with Alice in the loo."

James nodded, "Is she going to class?"

"Yeah. I sorta asked her to. She missed a lot yesterday and she can't just waste her time crying in her room," Marlene said, "Maybe if she's studying some charms she might let her parents slip from her mind a bit for a while."

James nodded looking around again.

"We'll figure the seating plan there. Don't worry," she rubbed his arm.

"Yeah," James sighed.

Well it didn't work. Their plan to change the seating plan. And now he was sitting next to her, feeling as miserable as she looked.


	4. Chapter 4

_**The Next Day - Head Common Room**_

"I'm not hungry."

Sirius frowned at the redhead, "When you and James talk, whenever _that_ is, I want him to recognize you, and not mistaken your already tiny physique for a stick. So stuff the bloody muffin in your mouth... Please."

Lily glared at him, "Always the bloody charmer, Sirius, always," she reluctantly took the muffin from him and tore a piece off, eating it slowly.

Smiling, Sirius sat down next to her on the couch resting his arm behind her on the couch ledge.

Lily was leaning forward, her elbows on her knees, her body facing the small fire in the fireplace, her fingers picking at the muffin.

The room was quiet, and it was obvious Lily was alone before he came.

"You can't just cage yourself in here," Sirius said.

"You shouldn't even _be_ in here," Lily mumbled, not looking at Sirius, "You've got class. Also, remind me to change the bloody password."

He grinned, "You'll have to talk to James first. Since he's Head Boy and all."

She frowned.

Noticing, Sirius stretched, "And this is why I have the password. To make sure you don't get yourself in any trouble when James can't."

She glared at him again, "I'm not in any trouble FYI."

He shrugged, "You're not eating, you stay all huddled up here whenever you can and when you're alone, those damn negative thoughts get into your head and you end up doing stupid things like cry, or throw fits and-"

"Crying isn't really considered 'stupid'. Neither is fit throwing. I've seen you do it a number of times, really," she grumbled.

"Look, Lily Bug, I understand, you're grieving and everything, but try not to, or better yet, let us grieve _with_ you."

She grimaced, "I don't need all of you caught up in my problems like you all don't have your own-"

"Is that why you don't want to stay at the Manor? Because you don't want to share the problems you've got?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

She stared intensely at the muffin. "Aren't you supposed to be in Transfiguration?" she changed the subject.

"I skipped. You're supposed to be there, too. It's not a free period day."

"I told McGonagall I wasn't up to it. She let me stay here," Lily put the half eaten muffin down on the table.

Sirius shrugged, "I thought we'd skip together."

"Not like I have a choice," she snorted, looking away.

Sirius observed her. The uncomfortable way she sat. The way her eyebrows furrowed. The way her knee bounced up and down. The way her hair had fallen apart from it's neat bun earlier. The way she nibbled on her cut lips. It was near lunch now and she was still wearing her pajamas. Lily looked like she was ready to fall apart.

He crossed his legs and leaned closer to her, "If I asked you to do something for me, would you do it?"

Lily looked at him skeptically, "It depends what."

"If it benefits everyone, would you do it?" he asked.

She thought about it. Who was she to be selfish? She nodded, "Yes, sure. Of course I would."

Sirius nodded, "Good."

"What is this favour?" Lily asked.

He shrugged, "Stay at the Manor. With Prongs and I."

Lily gaped at him, "Siri-"

"Ah, ah, ah, Lily-love. You said you would do it. I have your word," he tutted and wagged a finger at her, a small grin on his face.

"Sirius Black, you can't do this! You said it would benefit everyon-"

"It does," he smirked, "You agree to live with us, then this whole thing between Prongs and you ends. Marlene won't have to play mediator anymore, Moony and I don't have to play babysitter, Dorcas and Alice can stop worrying about you and then James can finally come back into your life and help you get you through your parents' death. Lily, in the end, _all of us will be okay_."

She frowned at him, "How am I supposed to say sorry after what _I_ did?"

He shrugged, "You say sorry. That's all. No need to complicate it."

"It's not that easy-"

"Trust me, the way James loves you, it is. All you guys need to do is talk. This whole 'space' thing McKinnon's got the two of you going through is complete rubbish, if you ask me. I think you and James should talk about it already. Sure, you said something really uncalled for, but it's not like you meant it. He knows you didn't. So stop being so dramatic and just talk to him. Bloody hell, Lily, you need someone to comfort you right now. Someone who's allowed to crawl into bed with you and cuddle you up. Stop pushing him away. I get it, alright, you did something wrong. Now what're you going to do about it?"

Lily swallowed, a tear falling from her eye.

"And that," Sirius said, "Is what I learned from all the lectures you've given me," he smiled at her, "Not bad, huh? See, I can learn," he took a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her, "Here, you've got snot running out of your nose and it makes you look bloody unattractive."

She snorted, dabbing at the tears with his handkerchief, "I hate you," she mumbled.

Sirius wrapped an arm around her shoulder and leaned back against the couch, pulling her with him, "I _hope_ you don't say that to Prongs."


	5. Chapter 5

**_Later - Night_**

The four boys walked into Head Common room. It was a little after dinner and after an unsuccessful search for a table in the library to study on, they retreated to Heads' Common room.

"What's gotten into everyone? Why are they all studying all of a sudden?" Sirius grumbled.

Remus shrugged, "The same thing that's gotten into you, maybe?"

Sirius glared.

"Boys," a bored voice said from the couch. Marlene sat on it, a quill twirling around her fingers while Alice, Dorcas and Mary sat around her, reading.

"I thought you lot were going to the library," Alice said.

James opened his mouth to answer, but Sirius interrupted him, "We tried, but there's no table and the first years keep coming to James for help. It's distracting-"

"Where's Lily?" James asked Marlene.

She pointed up the stairs, "She's just left to get a some more parchment in her room."

James nodded, "We'll be heading up to my room, alright? If something happens-"

"You'll be in your room," Marlene finished, waving him off.

He nodded again and trod up the stairs, the boys following him.

As soon as he closed his door, Lily opened hers and came down.

"You just missed the Maraudorks," Dorcas said.

Lily frowned and looked up the stairs before turning and sitting next to Marlene.

~O~

 _Later_

"Moony," Peter said,"Distinguish between a Life Debt and an Unbreakable Vow," he quizzed.

James answered instead, "They both turn on you when you go against them. If you break the Life Debt, then you end up getting this urge to harm yourself. If you break the Unbreakable Vow, well… you die," he shrugged.

Peter nodded, trying to jot down what James had said as quickly as he could.

There was a knock on the door and Sirius groaned, getting up from the window sill to open it.

"Oh, Marley Bum," he grinned, "Sorry but now isn't the right time for us _._ You _know_ how Prongs feels about us," he joked.

Marlene rolled her eyes at him pushing at his chest.

James looked up, "What's wrong, Marlene?"

She shrugged, "Nothing. I just wanted to tell you we're going now. It's almost curfew and we're all a bit tired. So…" she drawled.

"Sooo?"

"So, Lily's downstairs by herself. Bye," she waved, kissed Sirius on quickly on the cheek and trotted back down the stairs.

Remus looked at James who hid his face, frowning.

"What?" Sirius asked innocently, returning to his spot on the window sill, "S _he_ kissed _me._ "

"She's like my sister, mate," James grumbled, "I'm allowing whatever the two you of you are doing go on. Just don't flirt and no PDA in front of, or around me, please."

"Would you like me to keep her company?" Remus asked changing the subject.

"You two, Moony? How about all three of you just leave Marlene alone. One was annoying, but all three of you? I don't even know what you all see. We've treated her like a sister for so long," James sighed in disgust.

"I haven't," Sirius pointed out, "Don't think a day has gone by that I haven't flirted with her. McKinnon is one-"

James glared at him, "Enough already, _please_."

Sirius shrugged as Remus shook his head, "I meant _Lily_. You looked a bit worried when Marlene said she was alone. I could keep her company if you wanted me to.

James looked at the door Marlene had walked out of, "No, it's alright, she'll be fine," he mumbled.

Sirius and Remus looked at each other and shrugged, getting on with their work.

A quarter before midnight, the boys began packing up, leaving James to watch them. They would've stayed longer, but James wasn't in the mood. He was sitting on his bed against the headboard, rolling his snitch in his hand.

"You're not going to walk us down?" Sirius asked cheekily.

James rolled his eyes, "I'm surrounded by three year olds," he muttered, getting up from his bed.

Remus and Sirius laughed, clapping him on the back as they galloped down the stairs.

When they got to living room, they found Lily, sleeping, sitting upright, her legs folded beneath her and her head lolling onto the couch's ledge.

James leaned against the wall, the Snitch in his hand still being rolled around, as he discreetly stared at her, her mouth slightly open as she breathed lightly, her chest rising and falling. She was only wearing her white oxford, her black skirt and knee socks, with a textbook on her lap, her shoes kicked off and lying on the floor.

"Doesn't she look kissable?" Sirius teased.

James shoved him away, "Leave, will you? You're loud and she's sleeping and I'm getting annoyed with you," he didn't mean it.

Remus chuckled quietly, "Get some sleep, alright? You're getting cranky."

"And tuck Evans in. That's not a comfortable position to sleep in," Sirius added as the left the room.

"Night, James," was all Peter said.

James waved goodnight and began watching Lily again. He stood there for a good minute until he decided that Sirius was right and that Lily would have the sorest neck when she woke up.

He pocketed his snitch and sat down next to her, plopped a cushion onto his lap before gently pulling her closer to him, resting her head on the cushion. He knew she wouldn't wake up because no one slept heavier than Lily. She simply just snored softly and let him move her. Her feet were free from beneath her and instinctively stretched out against the armrest. James tugged on the throw hanging over the back of the couch and threw it over Lily.

She wasn't facing him, but James could see her partially parted lips.

He hadn't been so close to her for two days, which to him felt way more longer. He hesitantly laid his hand on her head and began stroking her red hair. Lily sighed lightly, which startled James and caused him to stop briefly, before realizing she was still actually sleeping. James smiled softly, listening to her soft breathing.

A bit after midnight, James began to get tired, and realized that Remus was right, he needed some sleep. But he knew Lily would really wake up if he stood up and lifted her up.

Instead he decided he'd stay there and sleep on the couch with her. He doubted he had enough energy to go up the stairs anyway, and he really wanted to stay close to Lily like this.

He raised her gently, repositioning himself so he could fit both him and Lily on the couch. Realizing they wouldn't fit, he settled with laying Lily on top of him, her cheek pressed in his chest, his chin on the top of her head. He kissed it softly, breathing in her pomegranate scent.

He reached for her hands that were resting on his chest beneath her cheek, and intertwined their fingers together, bringing them all the way over his head.

Taking one last breath of her shampoo, he exhaled and closed his eyes.

~O~

Lily stirred a bit, stretching and yawning widely. She then turned her face to press it against James's chest, scrunching her nose up when she felt the dampness of her drool on his white oxford.

That's when she realized she was sleeping on James.

Her eyes widened and she pushed back, then realizing that she was pressing her fingers into James's palms. She gasped and reddened, like it was the first time they had cuddled.

James, unlike Lily, was a really light sleeper. With all the pressure she was pressing into him, he woke up, blinking lazily and slightly lifting his head.

It didn't take him long to take everything in, knowing exactly why Lily was staring with wide green eyes.

He dropped his head again and closed his eyes.

"It's three in the morning, love. Go back to sleep," he mumbled.

Lily gaped at him, letting go of his hands, for some reason choosing to straddle his thighs instead.

James grunted, then sighed and folded his arms behind his head, "That did _not_ make anything better, Lily. Just lay down again and sleep."

She continued to just stare at him.

He opened one eye to peek at her, being met with her confused emerald eyes. He rolled his eyes, then stretched his arms before bringing his hands to his shirt.

He began unbuttoning his shirt.

Lily's jaw dropped. She hit him in the chest, shooing his hands away from the buttons, "What do you think you're doing?"

He looked at her incredulously, "Unbuttoning my shirt, that's what I think I'm doing!"

"Why would you do that?"

"You've drooled on it, that's why! Didn't want you sleeping in your own saliva! And don't act so scandalized! You've seen me shirtless before! Hell, you've seen me _naked_ before! "

She glowered at him, then began to get off of him, standing up, "I _can't believe you_. After everything that's happened recently, you try seducing me by forcing me onto your body, and then unbuttoning your shirt-"

"Seducing you?" he yelled, sitting up when she was off of him, "I didn't want you to get a damn neck cramp! Thought it'd be cruel to let you give yourself a damn neck cramp after everything that's happened recently!" She chucked a pillow at him, which he dodged swiftly, "You're the one who was sitting on my groin!"

"You're ridiculous," she spat, "Ridiculous. I swear," she gathered her shoes on the floor and collected her books on the coffee table.

"Well you're bloody impossible!"

Lily stopped in her spot and threw her things onto the floor. They were both standing now, the coffee table separating them.

" _I'm_ impossible? You're doing everything you can to make me crumble! Sending me bloody brownies, tucking me in, asking about me-" Lily huffed.

James interrupted her, "Well _I'm_ sorry if I wanted to make sure you didn't do something stupid-"

"You're guilt tripping me!"

"I was trying to take care of you from afar!"

"You're trying to control me! Keep me at your house so I have no choice but to _succumb_ to your every need!" she yelled.

"I'm concerned for you, Lily. Just calm down okay? You're bloody stressed out. Sleep a bit," and James meant it. Her eyes were red, bagged and shadowed. She was shaking madly. She looked like she hadn't had a good sleep in days. Which she probably hadn't.

But she glared at him, "I hate you!" she shrieked, "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" she began pounding on his chest, pushing him. She was crying.

James didn't say anything else. He kept a straight face as she hit him, pursing his lips together.

"You're a bloody prat James Potter! You're an arrogant, careless _fool_! You don't care about me! You just want me to live with you like your dog or something-"

"Shut up," he said.

"You'll use me and you'll hurt me and leave me and I-"

"Shut up!" he shouted and grabbed her wrists.

To his surprise, she actually did, but her eyes pierced his, shaking, watering eyes.

"You don't believe a single thing you said," he said calmly, searching for some softness in her eyes.

"I do-"

"Shut up and let me talk," he said, "You-"

"I hate you."

"No you don't," his voice over rode hers.

"I hate you, you bloody wanker," she sobbed.

"You're a liar."

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" she sobbed, gasping in between each sentence, "I hate you,"

"Stop lying," he kept rambling as she sobbed.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I-" she inhaled deeply and then exhaled heavily, "I'm-," she shook her head. She couldn't talk anymore. The sobs came harder than her words could and her shaking was out of control.

Sliding the table to the side with his foot, James reached for Lily and pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her before she collapsed.

He fell with her onto the floor, leaning against the couch, slowing rocking her as her sobs racked through her. James squeezed her shoulders tightly, trying to stop her shaking. Soon, it was just her heavy breathing moving them.

" _I'm_ the bloody prat," she sobbed, "You were just trying to help and I was so rude about your father," Lily dug her nose into James's chest.

He could feel the dampness of his shirt and shivered every time she breathed on it. James hugged her tightly trying to stop her from shaking too much. "I shouldn't have pressured you like that," he mumbled into her hair, "I shouldn't have yelled at you. You're going through so much already," he chuckled softly, "I'm so sorry, Lily. I'm so sorry. I've missed you so much," he kissed her head over and over again.

She snorted against his chest, "We're bloody pathetic, It's hardly been a week and all of a sudden we come back crawling to each other like we haven't seen each other in years."

"Are you alright now?" he asked softly.

Lily shook her head, laughing quietly, "Hell no, I'm not. I'm a bloody mess. There's nothing in my stomach and there's everything on my mind. Everything except for whatever we learned these past few days because I can't take it anymore," she sniffled, "And then everytime I close my eyes, I see mum and dad, and whenever I open them, I see things that remind me of them. My mum used to plant flowers like that in the backyard," she pointed to a vase full of yellow primrose, "And that used to remind me of the shoes dad wore to work all the time," she pointed to a dark brown embroidery on the rug, "It's the same colour," she sighed deeply, "And whenever it gets really quiet, I start hearing our fight, and- and I just can't forgive myself for saying that to you," she shook her head against him.

"Just get over what happened between us, Lily," James mumbled, "It was just a snag on the rug, nothing we couldn't fix."

"It was a _big_ snag, James. One we all tripped on. One we both got bruises from," she dug her face even more into him.

James ran his fingers through her hair, which was tangled and messy, "Well it's flattened out now, isn't it?"

She shrugged, "I don't know. I've been a bloody idiot-"

"You've been lost, Lily," James sighed, he hooked an arm behind her knees, and one around her back, "And maybe, if you got a good night's sleep you'll find your way back. I think that's all you need, some rest, some shut eye," he got up and lifted her off the floor, setting her on the couch.

"What're you doing?" she asked him lazily.

He turned around so he wasn't facing her, "I'm making sure you don't die from exhaustion. C'mon, wrap your arms around my neck, I know you've wanted to do it all week, I'm taking you to my room. We could sleep there," he explained, crouching down in front of her.

Without thinking about it, Lily did as she was told. James stood up, and instinctively, her legs wrapped around his waist as he held on to the back of her thighs. Lily rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes.

He started to walk up the stairs to their rooms, carrying Lily on his back.

Lily began to doze off on the short trip there, that's how tired she was. She came back to her senses when James gently sat her down on his bed.

"Lost you for a bit there, did I?" he whispered as he crouched in front of her.

Lily was sleepy, and all sense was leaving her. It was like she was tipsy. So lazily, she lifted both hands to his face and cupped them, "Do you love me again?"

James smiled at her, "I've never stopped, you dolt," he held her hand against his cheek.

She ignored his insult, "For all my muggleness?"

He nodded, "For all your muggleness."

"For all my stupidity?"

"All of it."

"For every bit of crazy in me?"

"Every single one," he whispered.

She smiled at him. Slowly she leaned forward to give him a languid kiss. It was soft and slow, but all too short for James. She pulled away to rest her forehead on his. Both of their eyes closed. "You missed me?" she asked quietly.

"Unfortunately," he mumbled against her, his hand running over her knuckle.

She laughed shortly, "Would that mean you'll never leave me again?"

"I don't dream of doing such a thing," he said.

She smiled, kissing him again, "I love you," she said.

"I love you, too," he smiled.

"And I'll go with you," she whispered way too quietly, "To that big fancy castle you've got."

She shrieked when James tackled her onto the bed. She laughed while he peppered kisses all over her.

"Oh my God, this is great," he laughed, "Sirius, you and I! Marlene's just a little walk away, too. And Remus and Peter could come. Frank's house isn't too far. Dorcas and Alice are always at Marlene's house anyways. Merlin, this is amazing," he rambled.

Lily couldn't stop giggling as he kissed her.

He scolded her, "Hold still would you? I'm trying to plant a good one on you."

James caught her lips and gave her a slow and long kiss. Her breath got caught in her throat, not having kissed him like this for so long. Her lips fumbled and he chuckled, "Lost your footing, have you?" he joked, pulling his lips away but still close enough that his mouth rubbed against hers.

"Bugger off," she mumbled, breathing heavily.

"So your grandfather's cottage…" James whispered.

"Forget about it," she muttered, "There's always been a rather bad case of rats there. I didn't want to be living with all of those for the rest of my life."

James grinned, "Good. I didn't want you living with Peter anyway. You've got me, a st-"

"Deer," she said for him.

"I was going for stag. Sounds more manly. But whatever floats your boat, love. But, Lily, if you had carried on with your plan to stay at that cottage, you do realize you would've been breaking it off with me." he asked.

"Yes, I was very aware of that. I didn't like the thought, but I was aware of it," she said.

"Then why would you think about it?"

She tilted his head up with her nose so he could look into her eyes, "If you married me, James, they'd go after you for marrying a Mud-"

"A muggle, Lily, a muggle."

"Yes, whatever. They'd go after you and they'd hurt you all because of me-" James interrupted her.

"I'm already on their naughty list," he said, rolling off of her, "The things I've been saying to the public about them concerning my father's death, the fact that I'm a Potter seems to annoy them, too. Also, not too many of their kids are big fans of me. They want me on a stick with or without you, Lily. So you might as well stay. I'd prefer to have you here with me while I get roasted instead of having you miles away. Understand?"

She turned to face him, "Yeah, I do. I guess I just panicked a bit," she yawned.

"A bit? Don't humble yourself, love," he smirked as she slapped his arm, mid-yawn. He grinned at her, getting off the bed to get some of his sleeping clothes. "Here," he handed her one of his shirts and one of his boxers, "Change into these so we can finally sleep."

She did as she was told as James changed into his own set before plopping down beside her.

Wrapping his arms around her, he squeezed her tight, "I've missed you so much," he whispered.

"Mmmm," Lily replied, smiling, sinking into his hold, "Ditto."

James spun her around and looked at her, "'Ditto.' That's all you're going to say?"

Lily only answered back with a quiet exhale and closed eyes.

She had fallen asleep.

~~O~~

 _Potter Manor_

Lily looked at James, who was smiling down at her. She squeezed his hand then glanced at the Potter Manor before them.

"Welcome Home, Lily," he said.


End file.
